On the Other Side August 13, 2007

Babies everywhere. This weekend I went to a baby shower, Sunday I’m going to another, and a friend of Greg’s just announced they’re having a baby (with a due date just a week past fiona’s). All of this baby stuff got me thinking about where I am now in my life with baby, and all I can say is OH MY GOD I AM SO GLAD TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!

I look at them and I remember the excitement but also this overhanging umbrella of the unknown. Not knowing what (she’ll) be like, look like, sound like. Not knowing what you need, what you have to have and what is hype. Not know how it will feel…being sort of afraid of the pain, afraid that you wouldn’t know what was going on or make it to the hospital in time. Not knowing if you will all be healthy. Not knowing how your life will really change.  Trying to know, trying to learn all you can….but in the end really just taking a step into a land of unknown.

And then there was the first couple of weeks….the first few months. Oi! I was in such shock. My life changed so drastically. I was so tired, so sore. And fiona…I love you to pieces…but man you were a hard baby for the first few months. At eight days being in the emergency room and then the hospital (wow did that take me off guard) a spinal tap? blood? catheters? i.v.s? And back to the ER at 2 months. You cried endlessly and there was nothing we could do to make it better. giving medicine, taking temperatures. Bouncing and Bouncing and BOUNCING. I was so afraid you wouldn’t be a happy child. So worried that this was going to be your personality. So frustrated that I couldn’t make you happy. So afraid to go anywhere with you because you would cry. Dreading the car because you cried from the moment we strapped you into the seat to the moment we got you out of the seat.  I was so unsure of myself, wanting to know the answer…but not having any idea. Wanting to be the mom that knew what was best for my little love but really feeling like I didn’t have a clue what to do.

aaagh. Dare I say. We are past that.

Now you are the happiest smiliest baby of all. You are smart and quick and strong. You wake up laughing and play happily in your car seat on drives. You are constantly in motion but so content being that way. You’re starting to give loves and really play with us. You laugh hilariously at your cats and dog and think making raspberry sounds is the coolest thing in the world. I no longer worry about taking you out in public…you entertain everyone that pays you attention…and they all do. Your beautiful blue eyes take people in and they can’t help but to stop and chat. You are learning faster then we can teach. And sometimes there are whole days that we never bounce!

I no longer worry about the right answer. I know we’ll figure it out.

Oh it feels so good to be on this side of it. I know there will still be plenty of ups and downs and there is a life time of unknowns, but finally I feel like that mom. The one that knows (or at least can pull-off that she does) what’s best for her family, knows what to do in any situation, can smile in the face of a crying baby and still hold a conversation in spite of it.

I wish them all luck and hope they know they have an understanding ear but I would not want to trade places with any of them. whew.